Taken from The Book of Salmacis

Sophia Siedlberg


Issue 2
May 1998

Outside my window I can see the usual clichés we call life. The grass growing and the butterflies flitting daintily between the shrubs. A cat can be seen crouching in the hedgerow waiting to pounce on any living thing that is smaller than itself. This is, if I may be honest, the point where the sentimentality ends and the uneasy truth about life rears its ugly head. I don't really belong in this world at all! You see it has a lot to do with how one species, the human species, perceives all this. I am not human in the true sense myself because most humans seem to think that to be human is to posses all the characteristics that make one human. I have a pair of legs, two arms, a nervous system and that strange thing they call 'consciousness'. I also posses almost the same language as they do, a complex matrix of sounds, movements and the ability to express the things I feel. In fact one aspect of their language, the written word, is something I find quite enjoyable. I have a good knowledge of written languages and perhaps I can say that I excel in my knowledge and skills in what they call 'Typography' From the hand-written and carved pictograms and symbols to the highly ornate lettering they used in their religious and mythological books. Indeed you can put a tray of type, a set of dies, a pen or a brush in front of me and I disappear into the only world I can say I feel safe in. Even the much lauded computer with its fonts and graphics software can reside in my world safely.

My possessing this ability to understand communication in all of its guises still does not make me human. This being despite the fact that, in evolutionary terms, human beings have somehow stood out from other living creatures on that simple basis. The ability to create things from their thoughts and their languages. I differ from them in one way that is (to them) so alien that they cannot even cope with the fact that I was even born. To have been born is to have been conceived somehow. and like real human beings I was conceived. In the case of human beings the most 'natural' form of conception (as they see it) is that of the joining of two 'gametes', one being 'male' and the other 'female' both carrying a certain amount of 'genetic material' that under the right conditions forms a cluster of cells called an 'embryo'. I came into this existence by this very process. After the human gestation period of nine months and a lot of evolutionary stages from a small cluster of cells to a complete fetus and what could superficially described as a baby. The reason I differ from human beings and can never call myself human however, is that my being born is where the story basically ended.

Humans, when born have the potential or actual ability to produce these 'gametes' (Depending on their 'sex') and they grow up with the ability to 'reproduce'. They have these things they call 'reproductive organs' that enable them most of the time to produce others of their kind in later life. I did not! I was not born with this ability to reproduce nor did I have the reproductive organs they have in any true or viable sense whatsoever. I was born with bits of both sexes, physically I was part male and part female. I was born a 'hermaphrodite' and I am therefore not actually human. I don't posses a 'sexuality' personally, though I am led to believe that other alien creatures like myself do. (Making them human in some sense I suppose). I also lack these innate 'traits' that the two sexes have. The alleged fighting instincts of men and the alleged nurturing instincts of women are somehow not actually apparent in me. If they are they are perceived as otherwise by them, the "humans", those paradoxical contradictions who, if the truth be told, cannot come to terms with the fact that they are divided into two sexes. They confuse me because they have constructed this complex mythology around this concept. The way they perceive nature itself is somehow tainted by myth. I am talking not about their superstitious perceptions either. I could well be justified in questioning the unquestionable first. The philosophy they call science, seems to forfill this role.

Science seems to be used to describe the most superficial aspects of gender and then to use this description to justify what basically appear to be superstitious beliefs on the subject. I am considered alien because of this superstition so I may as well describe it as it is always presented. You will often find that they have 'wildlife' programmes that appear in their cinemas or on their television sets that show other species living by a set of rules that are so rigid, I suspect that if they were a description of reality then evolution would not exist.

We often see a number of 'males' fighting tooth and nail until there is a 'victor' who after defeating the other males, proceeds to try to reproduce with the females. This is a puerile lie because in truth not all animals reproduce sexually and not all gendered species repeat this stultifying scenario ad-nausea. It may seem somewhat extreme to say that this portrayal of nature is in reality the propaganda of men and women, but this can be a justifiable thing to say. There is a paradox in all this because scientific thought seems to be divided into two main schools of thought, when it comes to how this rigid lie can be defined as reality. The first school of thought calls itself the 'Nature' and the other calls itself 'Nurture' and not surprisingly you can see that one school of thought has masculine undertones and the other has feminine undertones.

Another thing that confirms my 'Alien' status is the notion on the part of 'normals' that my being hermaphrodite carries a status that allows strange things to be done to me or my kind. Let's take the strange tale of aliens from outer space and a place called Roswell. While it may or may not be true to say that there were alien spaceships flying around in the skies of post-war America, and in all honesty I could not care less! A certain 'autopsy' that was allegedly filmed in 1947 appeared in the midst of a media frenzy and conventions run by anoraks and conspiracy theorists. This 'Autopsy' involved a corpse, only it was not actually from outer space. It was in fact an individual who had been born with Turners Syndrome. This film was a hoax, and as any doctor will tell you Turners Syndrome is an intersexed disorder that can also lead to severe deformities. It comes to something when we are confronted with the body of an individual who has died, has been taken from the mortuary and has been paraded as some grotesque freak show that alleges to depict a being from outer space. It is particularly disturbing to note that no criminal investigation has been carried out to determine how this body came to star in this film. I also find it more disturbing to realise that had this sort of thing happened to a male or a female, there would have been an outcry. To be brutally honest, the human race with its various mythologies from Adam and Eve to the Roswell incident seems to regard the hermaphrodite as having little or no human status whatsoever. While my own condition is not as a result of Turners Syndrome, the fact that they can take a corpse, add some prosthetics to make them look totally non human and then happily carve them up in public, just to re-enforce these pointless myths, makes me feel very uncomfortable. In all honesty the normal women who complain about beauty pageants being 'demeaning to women' and male strippers crying about feeling dehumanised because the stereotypes are demeaning to 'men' pales into insignificance when compared to the sort of horrors hermaphrodites have to face.

Take my case as it stands today. While I don't look like an alien, or even of mixed gender (I am often perceived as a normal woman.) I do find some people who discover my medical history have this nasty habit of saying that my 'parading' as a woman is a crime. Oddly enough when I once tried to pass off as a man I was chided for 'parading' as a man. Meanwhile we find hermaphrodites being paraded as 'little green men' from outer space. So I have established that while I sit by the window, watching this cat pouncing on to some unsuspecting mouse, that, being somehow alien, I cannot call myself human, and I do not belong in this house, near this garden, in this country nor it would seem on this planet. Despite the fact that I was conceived the usual way, born to human parents and given a birth certificate that, while it does not define my sex properly, it does state that I am human by virtue of it being the type that is issued to human babies. So what is it that makes the two sexes so hypocritical and cruel? The two sexes have this peculiar view of each other and they tend to exaggerate these perceptions and apply them to hermaphrodites. Basically there are the 'traits' that are often used as accusations to define the hermaphrodite as the sex they least want to be.

In my case for example, I am female by my own definition, so this means that I am a female-biased hermaphrodite. The fact that I am using a computer to type my manuscripts means that I am not female at all. (I said I was a female bias hermaphrodite, not fully female by the way) You see computers are complex and technical, (Toy-like) and are used by men more often than women, (To play games, not type manuscripts, to clarify the statistic). Therefore I must have the mind of a little boy playing with toys, this means I am thus male! Throw in a few more lies constructed around a male stereotype and suddenly I have become a sex - the male sex! This is how the two sexes operate, by absolute contradiction. I know of a male biased hermaphrodite who is constantly harangued for having some degree of vanity. He spends a fortune on his car, clothes and hi-fi (as do most men) and he is defined as a vain little woman because he has a large wardrobe (of men's clothes!). Of course no hermaphrodite can ever dare to question all this because they are only on this earth to have their lives made a complete misery.

One thing though, you ever turn on men and women (or normals) and accuse them of being malicious by holding such pointless views and they start spouting about how they are not all like that', "Not all men are like this, not all women are like that." Oh yes they are! The beauty of being a hermaphrodite is that you can get away with making both men and women feel like the lowest forms of life in the same way they do it to each other. Which is probably why they are obsessed with contradicting any gender bias in a hermaphrodite. Normals are frightened by hermaphrodites. Which brings me on to the subject of the first nine Non passage rites' of my history.

Many babies born with hermaphrodite conditions are often 're-assigned' to a given sex. The normals seem to have this uncanny knack of ensuring that the resultant 'sex' will be totally the opposite of that the child will wish to be if it has a bias in the first place. This is easily proven if you take a look at two periods in European history. In the 19th Century, women were regarded as the 'lesser' sex, so the number of hermaphrodites that were brought up as girls was higher than those brought up as boys. Today men are seen as the 'lesser sex, behold! We find more being brought up as boys.

My life has to date been this constant struggle with normals who seem hell bent on ensuring that this total 'bi-polarism' is maintained. They want men to be men and remain men, they want women to be women and to remain as women and they appear to want to drive the sexless or hermaphrodite to suicide. At the time of writing this text I had read about a case of a transsexual who had been 'outed' by a well known feminist. Transsexuals are in some sense part of the hermaphrodite spectrum because they do at some point face the need for corrective surgery (as adults) because their anatomical sex is simply the wrong sex. They may not have the outward symptoms at birth of having some gender related problem but there are clearly understood physiological causes to this syndrome. The Feminist was one Germaine Greer, a confrontational woman who thinks that adults who have surgery, in a context of informed consent, are mutilating themselves. At the same time she has no problem with hermaphrodite children being forced to be one or other sex and probably against their will. (Presumably this includes hysterectomies!!!) I will go further and accuse her of perhaps hoping that all hermaphrodite children are masculinised so she can happily vilify them. I say that because when she outed this individual, she seemed to relish her role as judge, jury and executioner. (Even if others questioned her motives.) Well, all I can say about this is that while women are fed up with the way men treat women, hermaphrodites, in all forms are furious at the way both sexes treat hermaphrodites. Unlike the other two sexes (women in particular) they can't claim victim status without being victimised further. As for Greer, I can't believe her having the bare-faced cheek to use the word 'Eunuch' in the title of her best known book. This somehow being used to infer that a eunuch or something neuter is less of a worthy individual when compared to her, she who was born perfect! as with all other sacred cows (normals).

There are a number of people who spring to mind, who are openly hostile to the hermaphrodite. Even our own sometimes - take Georgina Somerset for example. Here we have a female-biased hermaphrodite who states that men must be men, women must be women and there should be nothing in between. It's people like her who make me very insecure. If I have surgery to make me viably a sex I can live as, will I be infected with the blind arrogance of the two sexes, to the point of taking up their heterofascist causes. Having said all this I have noticed that things are unlikely to change significantly. I am as bad myself in some senses. New Man Transvestites for example, they can really get my back up. It has nothing to do with the idea of taking steps to look like the 'opposite' sex, people can wear what they want for all I care.

What I object to is the 'new man' types, who are like cross-dressing lap dogs with their wives and are brainlessly macho elsewhere. That is a typically male thing, nice to the woman (when it suits) but nasty to the competing males. He shows his nice side to her and his nasty side to other men. That is a zoomorphic interpretation of Darwinism and sociobiology, based on the typical behaviour of animals etc. etc. A Male to female transsexual (who is just that and not a deluded new man transvestite) would probably find this schism repulsive because it is a masculine trait. Hermaphrodites who are physically asexual to start with soon discover that this schism is often used as an instrument of sexual torture, because it leads inevitably back to the sadistic belief on the part of normals that if it 'says' it is 'female' it will be defined as male and vice versa. Oh, just to avoid any confusion, I don't see all transvestites in the 'New Man mould'; it just seems that there are a number of transvestites who feed the media with all this stereotypical stuff, totally confusing the issues surrounding the mental condition of Gender Dysphoria, by discussing fetishism rather than the clinically defined neurological hermaphroditism that is gender dysphoria.

This brings me neatly on to the subject of fatalism. For some bizarre reason the British mindset of today seems to be preoccupied with the inevitability of some skybound sadist called God, the death of a princess and a whole plethora of these irritating 'charities' who really represent the sadistic majority rather than the tormented minority. There is one who lavishes under royal patronage that alleges to serve the interests of people who were born with hermaphrodite conditions. It does nothing of the sort, in fact it has all of it's resources dedicated to the 'childhood problems of intersexed disorders' (or should I say the parents problems in keeping the truth from their neighbours.)

Adults who have survived such a childhood, but who have problems, are greeted very coldly by these bastards. Quite often they send the tormented adult lots of literature showing case studies' involving babies on operating tables being 'corrected to the appropriate sex' (what the parents want!) without any consideration to the child's future feelings on this. The adult then receives a letter some weeks later that invites them to contact the organisation. The ensuing phonecall is answered by some sectormentalist sociopath who rattles on about "how you must face up to life, pull yourself together and read leaflet x41123 on human rights, section 20, and not to be so selfish because this is a children's charity." This is then followed by more leaflets of butchered babies and Stepford wives. Welcome to the real world!


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